By: Amy Cantilina
One day last summer, just before our social worker arrived at our house for our 6-month post-placement visit following then 6-year-old Isabel’s adoption from China, Isabel asked me in Chinese “why did I come here?”
She was referring to coming to join our family. Just minutes before, I had explained why Daddy hadn’t yet left for work, since he was waiting for our social worker to come and talk about how things were going with Isabel in our family.
“Why did I come here?”
An interesting question, to be sure. One that most children never need to ponder or ask their parents. But one that–to a child of 6 who had been in her new family and new home for only 6 months–was, sadly, perfectly rational.
So, I turned off my hair dryer (I was actually taking the time to do my hair before meeting with the social worker…my summer ponytail on hiatus for 24 hours), squatted down to Isabel’s eye level, and told her she came here because we loved her. We knew our family had more room and more love to give, we had seen her photo and her file, we knew that in China she didn’t have a family, and we really wanted her to come and be our daughter. We wanted to be her Mama and Baba. And so we worked really hard at all the paperwork and were so excited when China told us we could come to meet her and bring her home.
Isabel soaked all of these words up, looked me straight in the eye with a sheepish smile, and leaned into me. “I love Mama and Baba” was her response.
It’s moments like these that remind me of the amazing process of grafting in that takes place with an adoption, and embodies God’s amazing grace to graft us into his family as adopted sons and daughters. Even though I did have moments that reminded me of God’s amazing grace before my husband and I adopted our daughters, the extent to which I now grasp the gospel and our adoption as daughters and sons is so much richer and deeper now.
Bringing each of our daughters home was joyous to be sure, but they also brought their share of challenges and heartache as our family went through the process of acclimating to a new family member, and allowing relationships with each family member to evolve and solidify. Sometimes it felt like we had sacrificed some of the “comfort” and “easiness” of our family—though we had faith the outcome would be good.
Our adoption as God’s daughters came at an even higher price–the very life of God’s only son, His perfection taking on all of our sin.
Isabel’s question, “Why did I come here?” is a question I need to ask myself more frequently. What are the Lord’s purposes for me at this moment, for this day, this week, this month, this year, this life? How often do I get caught up in the doing, rather than simply the being in His presence and basking in His love?
My adoption as God’s daughter came not because of anything I had done, but because of His love and His grace. Previously, I was an orphan with no hope. Oh that my response to this truth would more often mirror Isabel’s: “I love you.”
AMY CANTILINA is an Air Force wife and mom to 4 precious kiddos — two conceived in her womb and two conceived in her heart, coming home to their forever family from China. She is a Jesus-lover, wannabe writer, endurance athlete, Bible study leader, and wears whatever other hats her family’s military lifestyle might bring along. She is being stretched by mothering through a wide range of ages and needs — high school through kindergarten, some with special medical needs or developmental delays.
